Thursday, August 22, 2013

That Time I Heard My Boss's Kid's First Words

My Bosslady has two precious babies and one on the way.

Awhile back, Bosslady brought her kids to work for part of the day. The girl, her oldest, is bright and energetic and has just entered the preschool age.

The youngest, at the time, was still a butterball of a baby boy with chubby legs and a contagious smile. I'd never heard him say a word except the occasional "Glaaahhhhhhh" and "ooooooohhhhh."


A few of us around the office were prepping to take some stock photos, complete with random props found around the office and cheap party decorations I'd found in the trunk of my car (because I carry things like that around on a daily basis - don't I keep getting more awesome?). One of said props was a cheap plastic hat that read, "Happy New Year!" -- you'll see the point of that in a minute.

Right as we were wrapping up, Bosslady walks in with the two children; The Girl, at her side, and Chubby Baby on her hip.

"I need to take The Girl to the bathroom," Bosslady said. "Will you hold Chubby Baby for a few minutes?"

Before I knew it, Chubby Baby was on my hip, looking up at me with the bluest eyes I've ever seen.

Ohh Chubby Baby. You shouldn't make me melt so!

Chubby Baby looked around, amazed at all the shiny objects in the room, just out of his reach.

Until he spied The Hat.

The cheap, plastic, "Happy New Year!" hat.

He reached for it.

"Oh the hat!" I said, way too eager to please Chubby Baby. "He wants the hat!"

So I handed it to him. And he giggled.

Aaaaahhhh Chubby Giggles!

It was a beautiful, peaceful moment.

Until he held it up, trying to show it to me -- and started making noises.

"Huh! Hah! Haaahh!"

Oh snap! What's going on? Asthma? Gas? Did he just realize his mommy left the room?

Part of me panicked.

"Hey look at the hat!"I said, trying to entertain. Smile, Chubby Baby, smile!

He lifted the hat again.

"Hah! Haaaaa--tuh!"


No way. No way did he just do that. I was hearing things. Surely I was. Nobody is supposed to hear a baby's first words except his mommy and daddy. NOBODY.


Yep. It happened. Chubby Baby said his first word.

"No!" I said, desperate to somehow undo this situation, then make it happen again once Bosslady was back in the room. "No hat!"

"Haaattt!!! HAT!" Chubby Baby grew louder in volume.

"Shhh!!!!" I shushed! "Shhhh!!! Stop it, Chubby Baby!"

I took the hat and hid it!

But it didn't work! Babies are smart like that.

He saw it, and pointed!

"Hat! Hat! Hat!"

"No! No! No!" Bosslady was going to brokenhearted.

I'd never be able to hold Chubby Baby again!

Finally, my co-worker (who had caught on to the situation) presented Chubby Baby with a shiny object in front of his face, which caused a sweet little "coo" followed by silence.


How long does it take for a kid to go to the bathroom?! I was growing anxious for Bosslady's return.

Finally - FINALLY!!!! - Bosslady returned with The Girl by her side and told us she was taking the children home.

BUT, before they left...

"Hey Bosslady," I said, casually and in all coolness. "I think Chubby Baby really likes this HAT here."

Chubby Baby sat up straighter, still on my hip. He wasn't going anywhere until he spoke for his mom.

"Hey Chubby Baby, do you like this HAT?!" I'm soooo subtle.

Chubby Baby reached for it. Here it comes!

"Haa--Hat-tuh! Haa-at! HAT! HAT!!"

I nodded at my co-worker.

Nailed it. 

"Bosslady! Did you hear that?!"

"Hear what?"

OH NO! She missed it again. I heard nothing. Nothing at all. {Plugging ears} LA LA LA LA!!!

"Oh, did he say 'hat'?" Bosslady said, way too casually.

"Maybe?" I said, completely calm, obvi. "I mean, I didn't really hear, I wasn't paying attention."


Oh, Chubby Baby.

"Oh yeah, haha," Bosslady laughed. "He's been doing that a lot lately...He's been picking up on a lot these days."

"Wait..." I paused. "How long has he been talking?"

"Awhile now," Bosslady said. "Why?"

"Oh just wondering."

Apparently kids start talking when they're babies.

You can imagine my surprise when I found out he could walk.

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